March 5, 2010

truth about gossip

I just ran across an article from 2006 Tricycle by Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron, "The Truth about Gossip". You can read or download the pdf here:

[Gentle reminder: the author is a Buddhist. Don't just swallow everything given, wisely select the good apples among the bad ones.]

So, here's an excerpt (which I deem the good ones):

Seven tips for giving up gossip:

  1. Recognize that gossip doesn't undo the situation you are talking about. It only puts in motion another situation based on negative feeling.
  2. Know that comparing yourself to others is useless. Everyone has his or her own talents. In this way, give up jealousy and the wish to put others down.
  3. Be aware of and transform your own thoughts, words and deeds rather than commenting on others.
  4. Train your mind to see others' positive qualities and discuss them. This would make you much happier than gossiping ever could.
  5. Forgive, knowing that people do harmful things because they are unhappy. If you don't make someone into enemy, you won't want to gossip about him/her.
  6. Have a sense of humor about what you think, say and do. Be able to laugh at all the silly things we sentient beings carry out in our attempt to be happy. If you see the humor in our human predicament, you'll be more patient.
  7. Practice saying something kind to someone every day. Do this especially with people you don't like. It gets easier with practice and bears suprisingly good results.

In BTQ, I have been introduced to the term backbiting. I could imagine what does it mean. Talking behind someone's back (in a way that would not please them - like getting bitten). 

As far as backbiting topic is concerned, many people have difficult time knowing what to consider backbiting and what to consider just talking about someone. 

The thing is, ask yourself, would the person want you to be saying that about them? If the answer is no, than it's backbiting. So, backbiting simply means you are telling true thing about someone to other people, while that particular person wouldn't want you to be saying that or would be sad upon hearing that from other people. 

What if you are telling untrue thing about someone to other people and that particular person would be sad upon hearing that? Yes, that is slandering!

For the sake of knowledge, I will give a brief idea based on my experience [read: how did I backbite]. And hopefully making other people realize that they are doing the same thing. Because I believe most of us do the same thing. 

I have a friend. I just could not find it in me how to tell her to have some self-respect in the way she mingles around with the boys. I became so frustrated that this person I love and I know is so sweet and kind can act that way and have so little respect for herself. I can't tell her, I really can't. So, it just simply came out from my mouth when I talked to these other 2 friends of mine who happened to be very close to me. We found ourselves discussing of her and what she did. This was so totally backbiting, I know. And somehow, the words leaked. I had no idea how. But, obviously she was so disappointed.

So, any advice? Should I get that frustration out of the way and just tell her somehow? Might it ruin the friendship and make us feel so awkward if she takes it the wrong way? But, if she learns from it, it could make her realizes things, right? 

So pals, every time you want to talk about someone, think of it many many times, and put yourself in that person's shoe. Sometimes you might think that you are doing the right thing, maybe you wanna discuss with your mates how to solve the problems, or you wanna ask your friends' opinion, or you simply wanna get some good advices. Yet, whether you realize it or not, you are hurting the other party.

I, ladies and gentlemen, wish not to backbite and I am trying. Next time, if I do the backbiting thingy, please knock my head.

Ouch. That hurts!


Okay, this is just for those who recently text me and send offline message to my Yahoo account. Others can just ignore this last few lines. 
Don't waste your time. Seriously!

These few days, the question I get asked most of the time is, 'What are you doing during the holiday?'

Well, for the sake of those out there who haven't seen me in quite a while but are interested to know what I am doing currently (perasan!), here it is.

Currently, I am not in college (of course, it's holiday!), nor am I doing thing that resembles actual studying, you know, nerdy stuffs like physics and mathematics.

My days are usually Internet, TV, novels, some house chores, sending and picking up my little brother from school, going to conveniences store. Mostly Internet and novels. >.<

So, yeah. Believe it or not. That's what I am doing everyday. Wasting time, I know. -.-

Seriously thank you for taking an interest. Or more likely you are reading this just because you are curious. Or because you are on my blog. Whatever.

to whom it may concern:
p/s 1: yahoo messenger is totally problematic. so you won't be seeing me online unless I use the house pc or my dad's laptop.
p/s 2: don't try to prank me using fake yahoo ID. this is a serious warning!


  1. hey,send me ur skype username alreaady! haiyaaa.

    i'm free tonight.
    probs be watching starwars. now dats pure geeky

  2. today i just got bite from my classmate..about i like to blogging..about my post...they talk about my hobby that i like farming...huhu..the way i cure the bite is by ignore them if he talking about it infront of me..and tonight they already stop discussing about me..=p...just talk nicely to them...why must we care about thier talking(make fun of people)..sometimes me also do it..BTW, i like your post..=p...thx...

  3. to maryam:
    oh dear, sorry for being late..
    I'll text you about this skype thingy once I'm ready with one, okay?
    and, and, what happen to your blog?

    to anipmazlan:
    yeah, right.
    sometimes the best way to prevent ourselves from being backbitten is by ignoring them.
    and hopefully one day people will get tired of it.
    but to prevent ourselves from doing it is a big deal (for me la) >.<

  4. ha no hal la...
    saje put on private show(malas hapdate)
    dun worry,b back soon!

  5. ecah
    u r so very much indulged in BTQ!
    now i can call u aisyah d BTQ girl!but still miraculous..hehe

  6. to maryam:
    oh dear, wish you know I cannot live without viewing your blog.
    and I just couldn't accept the this-blog-is-open-to-invited-readers-only thing.
    ouh please kill me, I am as good as dead if I am living like this. (okay, this is drama. don't kill me!)

    to nurjalilah:
    it's not only me. it's US, remember?
    when we finished the topic, everybody was like..
    "OMG! is this backbiting?" and we were so much aware of what we're going to say..
    ustaz muhadir must be proud of us :)
    oowh! miraculous girl still sounds cool hehe >.<


. snape's potion class : in memories . :'(

. dumbledore's army .