Wrong-number-dialers are sometimes so annoying. And sceptical-me cannot just accept the same wrong-number-dialers.
Dialer: Hello, may I speak to.. -whatever-the-name-of-your-friend-is-
Me^^: Sorry, wrong number.
Dialer: Oh, who is speaking?
Me^^: Err? Don't worry. (hung up. who are you? stalker?)
Dialer: Hye, -whatever-the-name-of-your-friend-is-! It's me.. bla bla bla..
Me^^: Eh? Wrong number, is it?
Dialer: Oops.. sorry. Is this really your number?
Me^^: Of course!
Dialer: I thought I've dialed the right number. Who is this?
Me^^: (hung up. how rude.)
Dialer: ... (not even open the mouth yet.)
Me^^: Wrong number again. (hung up. actually I was about to say, 'Hey, you are annoying! Ask your mom how to correctly dial a number. Didn't your kindergarten teacher teach you that? Never mind. Ask your mom.')
This is so annoying, kan? Another thing, I cannot accept when the dialers choose to keep silent all along. Why? Are you suffering from inferiority complex? Or you've been hypnotized by the voice? Oh, you poor thing!
So, I am seriously fed up with wrong numbers and anonymous, silent callers. I am thinking of using some scary and threatening (and insulting?) voicemail messages.
I've been thinking of using this..
Hello. Thank you for calling the State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options:
- Press 1 repeatedly if you are obsessive-compulsive.
- Press 2 if you are co-dependent. Oh, you cannot. Please ask someone to press it for you.
- Press 3, 4, 5, and 6 if you have multiple personalities.
- Press 7 if you are delusional and your call will be forwarded to your imaginary friend.
- Press 8 if you have short-term memory loss. Press 8 if you have short-term memory loss. Okay, press 8 immediately. Now.
- Press 969696 if you are dyslexic. Or 696969. Either way.
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what number to dial.
- If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. [echo: so we can trace your call.. so we can trace your call..]
- If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
- If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
Hello. You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System.
- Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later usage.
- Once this is done, our computer will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes.
- There is no charge for this service.
- Our staffs of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to arrange for your schedule payment.
- Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone.
- Thank you.
Hello. Thank you for choosing our company. Please be patient. You will be connected to our consultant shortly. For the training and improvement purposes, your conversation with our consultant will be recorded. Thank you.
- Welcome to the company. We assume you are ready to be a part of us.
- Your first assignment will be sent to your address soon.
- Always put the identity of the company secret. Confidential is our main priority.
- Follow the order. Any mistake done, one bullet will penetrate your head precisely into your brain.
- Any attempt to betray the company, you and your entire family have to pay the price.
- We are watching you. We are everywhere.
- One of us, one of them, remember?
- Leave your message after the beep.
- Or you also have the right to remain silent.
- Good luck.
Those weird dialers will end up paying for the long voicemail. Well, they deserve it for not learning from mistakes. And for intruding in someone else's peace life too.
p/s 1: this post is aimed to educate readers on how to smartly avoid unwanted calls.
p/s 2: this is not really an educational post, but (I think) it is quite resourceful.