I am having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that holiday is almost over and soon I will have to get out of bed every morning to go to the class.
14 more days. I was trying to make sense of everything. Do not say that I did not warn you. I am tentatively leaving the house in 14 days. 14 DAYS. I prefer to use 'might leave' instead of 'will leave' because I always want to leave it like that. Thinking that I might not go, instead of thinking I will, in case the worst happens and I do not go.
Okay, you may think that I am arrogant for saying this, but I am saying it anyway. If you fall into this category: you said, "We should definitely catch up before you leave!" and I responded to you by saying "Yeah, sure! :)", then it means that I like you and you mean a lot to me. Unfortunately, when I said I like you, it is not applied as: the entire members of my family like you too. Do I make myself clear here?
Since my parents are so particular and selective when it comes to hanging out with friends, and because of some events that have been really frustrating, I have to set the rules. Here are some of my little preferences that would be great if you can accommodate to:
- I prefer it very much that we hang out close to my place, do not ask me why. I just do. And if you fall among those whom my mom knows very well, you should come over to my place.
- Do not ask me why I am not furthering my previous course. Do not bring them up when we hang out. You can call me later to ask, or email me. Of course it would not apply if I bring the subject myself, otherwise, I appreciate your concern but please do not ask.
From: -rational side of the writer- Oh, aisyah sounds heartless and calculative here. As if she cares little about friends or feelings. Do not mind that silly girl. She just does not know what to do. This is her way to cope with leaving within a fortnight. She loves you so dearly. Really. You guys are the biggest passion in her life. She is stupidly too idealistic for her own good. She wants to save the world, especially the trees. She believes world peace is possible and she dreams all the time. Be patient with her, okay?
Last two days, I bumped into this person asking about my plan before going to the college. And I almost laughed at his face when he casually asked, "Aren't you going to spend time with your family?"
And to answer that, let me throw the question to you - those who are going to register for your new semester in local university. Hey, you are not going anywhere, right? So how ridiculous would that question sounds in you ear?
"But ... aah ... who is my family?"
Family are those who have seen me in my most broken, picked up all the little pieces, patched them back together, and made me whole again. I really need these people to help me picking all the pieces up. I do not think I could have done it myself *shrugs in the state of brokenness*
Family are those who have again and again bailed me out of messes that I got myself into. From a small one like misplacing the food container, to a big one like messing up in the final exam - which means screwing up the future.
Family are those who lifted me in my lowest and helped me stand when I could not by myself. They point me towards Allah the Almighty in their answers to my questions, and the questions they ask me. They are those whom I see the strength in because of the way they live.
Yeah, that is my definition of family. So, what was the question again?
Am I spending time with family before I leave?
More than you know, dear. More than you know.
Only GOD can lift our hearts from despair and replace our burden with abundant life. HE does this not by taking away our pain, but by giving us strength that is greater than the pain.
GOD aside, you can make everything worth it.