I wanted to do a comprehensive summary of my year. I had also wanted to write a post on what I have been doing in the whole last year. But, for some reasons, I just could not find the time or the emotional energy needed for it. If there was one word to sum it all up, that would be CHANGE.
Well, growing up, I used to think that significant milestone in my life would be marked by a dramatic changes and a specific point, to which, I could look back and say, "Okay, that's when this thing happened." Like, I can exactly tell when was the very first time I got my own mobile phone.
The more I journey through life, however, the more I find that I am not necessarily able to notice the exact point at which this thing changed -- at which I changed. Like the season changing from one another, the change is subtle and gradual. And before I know it, I find myself in another season.
Looking back over my life, while I used to enthusiastically rush towards personal milestone such as graduating from high school, having a driving license, going to the college -- the experiences which have shaped me most were not clearly-defined turning points such as those.
Developing my own values, convictions and believes that run deeper than what parents and teachers told me, building character, learning from own opinions, learning to stand for what I believe ... all of the above took place slowly and gradually. There were no fanfare, no congratulations, nothing of the sort.
Unlike formal education institutions, the School of Life does not hand out a certificate saying, "Congratulations! You have completed a Degree in Making the Bed." But these unseen, uncelebrated milestones are just as significant as the visible ones -- or perhaps even more.
"When did that happen?" I asked myself as I look back.
When did making the bed first thing in the morning become my second nature? For years, even into my teenage years, mom nagged me to make the bed every morning. But if you ask me to tell the exact point where I decided to listen to her and make my bed instead of leaving it all messy, I cannot.
I highly doubt it has a specific date though. I probably started to do it, forgot for a couple of days, had to be nagged again, started doing it again, forgot again, and so on ... until the 'remembering' became frequent and the 'forgetting' and 'lazy' became less. And before I knew, not making the bed early in the morning became unnatural for me.
So yeah. I have changed a lot. Not drastically, of course.
This year, if I had any resolutions, it would be the same as it has always been. I want to live life by the day, soaking every moment, taking every experience, and to do the things which freak me out the most. I want to work hard, get straight HDs (if possible lah. haha), then play harder.
In 2011, I do not hope for material gain. Instead, I pray for the strength to hold my tongue in the time of impatience, the sincerity to be happy for other people, the value to be non-judgmental towards others.
By the way, thank you to all of you for being a part of my year. Special thanks to Prongs for always making my day. You know what you did. And you know even if you have not done such things, I will still always love you. :)
People, please stay with me this year. And next year too. And next next. And next next next. And next next next next. And next next next next next. Ouh, please stay with me forever. Hehe. Is that too much to ask?
Happy 2011 everyone!
p/s 1 :
2010 left me with a really deep cut and it hurts. literally. not in a poetical way.
p/s 2 :
oh. baru perasan, ni bukan review rupanya. takpe lah.