December 13, 2009


"Fear often comes greatest for those who have a great destiny." 
"I don't want to be a guy who said 'I should have', I want to the guy who said 'I did'."

Lately, I realized that there were always so many reasons for me to feel afraid. And they kept coming one after another. But, there's also reason why I should always put my trust in Allah. And the reasons kept on coming as well.

... I've just finished Math 2 exam paper. Boy, the questions were real tricky. And I have another 3 papers to go after the mid break. OMG! How does that sound? Me, studying during holiday? 

... Another thing, I've just completed the CSS procedure (no idea what does it stand for and what is the purpose). Looking at my CGPA, I felt very much insecure. Well, you know, there is quota to further my programme in the main campus and the quota is like what, 40 students per intake? 

... And I will start to write my term paper for EAP (English for Academic Purposes) subject right after the mid semester exam. Just thinking of it makes me wondering how hectic and stressful my life will be. And I'm not even familiar with my topic yet!

Everyday, I have choices to make. In every circumstances, I have the dare-decision-to-make, the hearts-I-have-to-consider, the consequences-I-have-to-face and the-fate-I-have-to-believe.

Somehow, I'm starting to understand why I've been put precisely at this place, why Allah brought me here. And I am always thankful. 'Here' may not necessarily refer to location (although that plays a big part), but 'here' means at this moment. This season of life. This stage. 

I walk in the campus everyday and think , 'Wow, I'm here. I've made it! Allah wills me to do this.' And I'm here to gain all I'm meant for. For what He sent me through all these. Of course I'm here to learn more than anything.

I'm living more in the present these days. After a gentle reminder from someone, I realized that he was right (whoever he is ^^) - we aren't here to change the world, we aren't here to change the country, we aren't here to change the future. So, just do the best in every single moment we have. 

Instead of thinking what happen to my life if I can't achieve this and that?, what if I end up furthering in other programme?, what if my exam happens to be the worst?... I should also think what if there's nothing else after the foundation studies?, what if university is that all I have?. 

Can I say I've lived optimally during these periods? Can I say I've tried my best to change myself to a better person? Can I say I've gained everything I'm supposed to have here?

And what if this is the last chance I go home?, what if there's no more going home after December?, what if this semester and all the assignments are the last one? And that's it! 

Would I able to say I've made the most out of it? Would I able to say I've pleased my parents and siblings with my attitude? Would I able to say I've accomplished the tasks as a student and daughter? Would I able to say I've learnt something from every person I met?



"Start with what you have, with what Allah has given you, NOW!"

It's pointless to worry about the things that are beyond  your ability to change, instead focus on what you can change and do it well. And so, I did some self-reflecting and started to realize all the facts I've already known, I'm a servant of Allah, I'm a student, I'm a daughter. And I looked at the responsibilities thrust on me. I don't think they are beyond my capability.

As compared to my parents, I have far too fewer things to be responsible upon. As compared to leaders of the country, I have far too easier things to think about. As compared to people with own families, Allah has ceased the accountability only to myself, instead of for the entire members of the family. 

So, at what point you think your life is so much complicated, Aisyah? Base on what you say that life is difficult? In terms of what your life is much thornier than your friends' or cousins'?

And I know all tasks I'm in charged of are those which I can handle. Allah doesn't command His servants to do something they are not able to do as He mentioned in alQuran:

Allah does not burden human being more than he is well able to bear...

YES. This is something I can do! I just need to be more focused. And not to think about those which are beyond my control. Focus, Aisyah. Focus!

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