July 1, 2010

caps lock

WHAT A TITLE! HAHA.. Oh, more accurate title should be: caps lock and red ink.

The rain smelled therapeutic :) I never realized it smelled SO good, until the moment I wrote this, during which, I tried to absorb EVERY single fact about my place and stick them in the memory. From the fact how does my house smell and sound, to how does it look during the dawn and dusk, to how hot it could be at 3 in the evening, bla bla bla ...


Well, I noticed A LOT of strange and weird things happened to me lately. And I did a lot of weird things too. By the words strange and weird, I mean, they were HARDLY occurred to me UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES or UNDER MY CONSCIOUS AND STRAIGHT MIND

Lately, I ALWAYS woke in the middle of the night. Shocked at finding my heart beats a little bit too fast. Like I had been electrocuted or something. Once awaken, it was REAL hard to put myself to sleep again, and after a couple of minutes, I started HEARING THINGS. Oh boy, waking up in the middle of night was scary enough on its own. Oh, but where did the sound come from? I was not hallucinating, was I?

No. No. I AM NOT on drugs, okay!

And I COULD NOT sleep later than 11pm. Because if I did, I would end up counting from number one to God-knows-how-many until the eyes totally shut. And (news for everyone) the fan in my room has the ability to suck ALL the oxygen out. By 2am, I have to switch it off, or else my lungs would run out of oxygen and cause all the cells in the body to malfunction. DON'T worry (IF you do). I think, it is just because of the weather.

Yeah, I AM SURE I don't need all those drugs!

I have a quite delicate pair of lungs. Which is why I have to SERIOUSLY take good care of my lungs if I do not want to be aided by all the nebulizers (or whatever the doctors call the machines) later on. AND IF I want to live longer! (Ouh, please. This is scary, man!). Hence, I HAVE TO avoid all those smokers, and all types of open burnings, and all industrial areas, and simply, all the contributing factors for lungs blackening.

And I also noticed that I became more and more emotionally unstable. My sister suggested me to wear a shirt written: Warning, next mood swing in 5 minutes! (to give people a warning beforehand so that no one would feel deeply hurt). Well ... I guess, this is what people call as transitional stage. You know, the conditions when you are aware that you are going to be out of your comfort zone SOON. All the nervous breakdown, adrenaline rush, and hormonal change sort of things. 

And I recently nurtured a habit, which, EVERYTIME before shutting down the computer, I would open one of the photos' folder and take a look at ONLY FIVE photos (Next. Next. Next. Next. Previous. Previous. Previous. Previous. Next. Next. Next. Next. Previous. Previous. Previous. Previous. Next. Next. Next. Next. Previous. Previous. Previous. Previous. Okay, dah puas hati!). Then only I shut down.

Recently, I did have a lot of MINOR disputes with dad. And having grandma and two sisters by my side, I felt like the world was mine. At grandma's place, whenever dad tried to tell me that I was doing something in a wrong way, I would say, "Dad, that's really not a nice thing to say to your daughter. You are supposed to be encouraging, instead of criticizing." Oh, I am USUALLY NOT that stubborn.

Whenever I disagreed with dad at some points, I would discuss the matter with my sisters, and perhaps come out with some solutions. So, when dad came back from work,  we would step out from the room and confront dad, "Dad, we are not agree when you said bla bla bla ... Let's talk about this matter!" And mom would be like, "Wow, were that really my shy (shy? awww!) daughters?" (just an assumption, because mom SEEMED so impressed ^^). Again, I am USUALLY NOT that straight forward.

During the school holiday, I spent quite a good time with my sister. When suddenly she said, "PROMISE me that in the future, you will ALWAYS remind me NOT to ignore my children. Under no circumstances should I absent the PTA meeting. And no matter how busy am I, I should attend their sport's day. And it doesn't matter if the dad refuses to send them to school because I will. I always will. And I have to give them the choices whether they want to stay in the boarding school, or to quit it and lead a normal life." That was an identity crisis. Ouch, pity her!

On Sunday, my sisters were going to go back to the hostel. Earlier in the morning, I brought them to the convenience store to buy whatever they needed. Me, having nothing to buy, went to the chocolate aisle and picked up TWO Cadbury bars. Paid. Done. Went back home. Later, in the evening when they were ready to get in the car and head to school, I handed a Cadbury to EACH of them. Jeez ... I have NO IDEA I am that sweet! (Oh, wait! I only bought two, right? CRAP!)

Oh, why do I feel like the two paragraphs above make me sound like a caring and responsible sister? Don't you think? IN CASE (in case needs to be stressed more) if you do, then I have to say I AM NOT.

Yesterday, I walked on the solid ground, around the residential area ALONE (which I NEVER did before because I was scared of the lawnmowers and the male gardeners. For those who are concern of my safety, I actually had a small knife with me ready for an action), thinking that, someday I would miss this place so badly. I stopped at certain spots, standing still and deeply inhaled the scent of the green grass. I was SO SURE, people thought that I had some loose screws or something.

Day before yesterday, I went to buy some kuih-muih. I went to this place where there was a row of stalls which sold almost the SAME things. What happened was, I did not know which stall to go. Which, I ended up buying some from this stall, and some from the other, and some from the other, and some form the other ... until the last stall at the end of the row. Yeah, I visited EVERY stall and bought something from EACH. I just hate making the aunties upset. That was my weird random act of kindness.

The day before, mom asked me to find some almond powder, but I could not find any. So, I decided to buy a whole packet of almond which I had to GROUND them MYSELF. It was quite a stupid decision because I just realized that we do not have any food processor at home (how sloppy!). So, I decided to CRUSH them with HAMMER (haven't told mom about this yet). Please remind me I have to borrow the hammer from dad. Wow, sounds fun!

A few days before, I felt A LITTLE BIT more productive than the entire week. I decided to wash the car. At the first glance, it looked like dad's second office because there were a lot of papers all over the place. I threw ALMOST all of them, leaving behind a few stuffs which I deemed important. 2 hours later, dad called me asking the-something-something-document (I couldn't hear because I was so nervous). And yeah, without him knowing, I went back to the big dustbin and picked up all the papers I threw. YEWW!!!

I went to grandma's place. WITHOUT any notice, I had to face a COUSIN of mine (whom, mind you, I haven't seen for quite a long time now). Oh, okay may be this is KIND OF weird. But yes, I was so nervous. The feeling was EXACTLY like the one I felt during the Syafawi test. Name all the feelings during the Syafawi test. All were there. Afraid, not confident, feeling unprepared, cannot wait to end everything. ALL. What's wrong with you, aisyah? He is, for the heaven's sake, just your cousin!

Last months (or is it last two months?) I TRIED to do some text-book-readings. No, it's NOT like reading it thoroughly word by word. It was just a random scanning. Since I did not have all the momentum yet, I just flipped through the pages, got some random ideas, may be read the topics and subtopics, and recalled something upon encountering the terms I am familiar with. Sounds like I have done quite a lot, but believe me, they took only TWO minutes from my entire 24 hours. Then, I got distracted.

Waah ... a whole paragraph of my nerdy-ness! *claps*

One fine day, I was caught by mom, having the book wide opened on my side while my UNDIVIDED concentration was on the computer. Yeah, I have been made. What a bad day! Mom said, "Hey aisyah, I know what you are doing, okay? Don't pretend to be all hardworking when you are not!" Ouch! That hurts, mom :( Really. I am not exaggerating =.='. I know, I AM NOT hardworking but I WAS NOT TRYING TO PRETEND that I am.

And ... urm ... urm ... well ... I would like to make a HUMBLE opinion regarding the FIFA Worldcup 2010. May I? Okay, I may. Well, I think Persie (NED) is THE HOTTEST player for this season. Is he new? I mean, how come no one ever mentioned his name before? Or is it just me never heard of him? Oh gosh! He is so hot to the extend I melt the very first time I saw him and I could not take my eyes off him since. (Okay. MEREPEK. ABAIKAN. Bye)

5 more days to go!


  1. d feelings of syafawi test..u name it
    urinary bladder malfunction..terputus2 muscle..nk gugur left n rite atrium..tercabut patela..retak sutur..tercampak sacral n lumbar..n yg plg teruk aku masuk bilik syafawai sambil menggigit tibia n fibula!! i cant put d the feelings in words..very hard to say.hahax..it was the 'cuak'est moment in my life okee..kalu i nk nikah nnt pun takkn se cuak ni punya.hahax

    btw,i tgh imagine la how u crush d almond guna hammer oke..
    then i compare kn dgn cte SAW oke..
    wow!!!! u re totally same with the murder!!!

    later,when i want to produce a scary mary film,i will hire u as a main actress.u olready practice it rite? PRACTICE MAKE PERFECT..remember??

    wahahax..oke2..i chow dlu oke..nk g tulis skrip for my film okee...tata ecah.jgn lupa practice oke... :p

  2. to andah who prefers to be anonymous:

    Aah memang cuak huhu~ I understand that because I felt exactly the same. Except my urinary bladder functioned perfectly well hehe.. Oh, memang la andah tak cuak time nikah, bukan orang tengok andah pun (okay, rase geli cakap pasal nikah kat sini haha).

    Crush almond pakai hammer is so cute and innocent and harmless, okay. While murdering is totally violent and cruel and brutal and gross and disgusting and retarded and spastic. Adeh. Kite rase andah kene jumpe psychiatrist ni!

    Oh, takpe la. Kite tak nak pun jadi actress (or that kinds). Kite an sopan santun hikhik :)


. snape's potion class : in memories . :'(

. dumbledore's army .