draft #1

Title : Parenthink

I was brought up with a lot of wisdom from my parents. One thing they tried to engrave into me is that there is a vast difference between needs and wants. This is what has been taught for years. Fulfil your needs, then if it is possible, go and get some wants which are not too selfish. Work hard to put the meal on the table, and if you are lucky, you may get some desserts. Spend the weekend or holiday to visit the elders, and if you are lucky enough, you might be brought to the park.

My dad, the sole bread-winner for the family who has worked hard all his life to provide for a wife and five children, is now a bit old (is that the right word? hehe..). He has cars and house to pay, he is close to retirement, his children are still so dependent on him, and he is at the stage where his needs are many and he can hardly look at some wants. Most of the needs are not his, in fact. He joked by saying, "During the time I can afford for a steak, I don't have the teeth to eat it."

Last two months, I demanded quite a lot of things from dad and so he said, "Other things can wait, right? I need to pay your fees first." And after all the fees for my coming semester had been paid, I felt guilty to demand from him anything. The fees cost a lot more than my own computer -- which is a good thing, I supposed, because it will remind me how much more valuable my education is, as compared to any other material belongings. (I finally see thing like a mature human does ^.^)

Dad really has weird style to rule his children. Okay, I am a CDL holder -- I have to mention this so that you know how silly my situation is. I am just allowed to drive on my own within 5km radius from the house. Going anywhere outside the range, dad must be right inside the car to supervise my skills. I need to emphasize here, I have a competent driving license. Not L or P, get it? But, CDL means nothing more than a pass to go to the nearest convenience store, and of course, to send and pick up my brother from school. Oh, come on dad, why did you send me to the driving school in the first place, when you yourself want to be my lifetime instructor?

Hanging out with mom and dad means we could never split up to hit different spots. Dad wants us to be right under his nose like the baby chicken following their mom. Dad, as well as the boys, would be attracted to stuffs which are totally ... boring! When he stopped at the sports or car gadgets department, he would take like a century to look around, comparing this and that. But when it was our turn to be impressed and to have a look, he would just walk as fast as humanly possible. Okay, this could be a good thing too -- because we can quickly grab the stuff without considering the price and sneak it into the trolley when we catch up with dad's convoy later. Next thing he knew, he would have to pay for the out-of-nowhere-item at the counter.

One thing about dad is, he can be seriously angry at you when he catch you messing up. But he cools down real quick. He can scold at your face until you feel like it is the end of the world, or, if the world is not going to end there, you will swear that kind of thing will not happen again under the hot or cold weather, be it night or days. Then, after a few minutes, you can really talk to him like nothing has happened because he treats you all the same, which will make you feel like you were just hallucinating, nothing has actually happened. May be, except for the fact that you cannot pretend nothing has happened because you will be all stuttering and keep on showing guilty face.

Mom. She is practically paying a particular attention towards honesty. You have to be hundred percent transparent to your parents. No double meaning, no inaccurate information, and no hidden agenda. Everything has to be very exact and precise. Whatever you want to do, you have to go through your parents first. If they say "No" then it really means 'No'. And if they say "No negotiation" then it means 'No negotiation and stop making that face because I won't change my decision no matter what'. So, ask parents' permission first then obey their decision. Sometimes, you know you will risk the chance when you ask. But, ask anyway. I bet you cannot afford having trust issues with your parents.

For mom, asking permission from the parents is not something you can take so lightly. When you met mom and she asked, "Did your parents know you come here?". That would be a tricky question (I tell you the trick). So, think first before you respond to the question (but try not to sound hesitate). Because tricky question seems so easy at first and it traps you in the middle. And finally, you will blame yourself for being such a moron. And, yeah I know, you are not staying at home (we live on-campus, right?). But still it is so necessary for the parents to control your whereabouts -- according to mom. 

I thought mom's days getting involved in school were over. She used to be one of those parents who came in to help out in the classroom. But that all changed after we moved -- she only showed up at school during the days which parents are requested to come, you know, like PTA meeting or when the teachers want to hand in the report card and all that. But she totally proved that I was wrong. Last week, she went to my brother's school just to make a suggestion to the homeroom teacher (homeroom teacher sounds so cool!) on how to make sure the kids do not misplace their stuffs. Okay, that was really funny!.

And this morning, she called the office of my sister's school and left a message for my sister not to forget to call home [read: mom] during recess. Only because my sister did not call home for three days now. Okay, that was even more funny! My sister called and she claimed, it was seriously embarrassing. She was in the midst of a lesson and suddenly the clerk came announcing to the whole class, "Nabihah, your mom called and she said don't forget to call her during recess." And the whole class laughed at her. Yeah, luckily the clerk did not announce it through the PA system.

Oh, and Monday after the school holiday, mom called my other sister's Geography teacher telling her, "Nafiisah belum bind lagi folio Geography dia." Huh. So funny, right? Why did she feel so accountable when my sister did not finish the homework? I think this sister of mine is a bit spoilt. And she is easily influenced by friends, which, it is a bit harder for mom to control her. Otherwise, she is quite a nice and cute girl. If I have the power to change her, or, if she wants to listen to what I am going to say, I would like her to get rid of her current friends (which is the most impossible thing to happen). 

I showed mom pictures of a cousin using the other cousin's Facebook account. And we kept stalking from one cousin to another. Looking at the pictures of this cousin with her boyfriend and the other cousin with his girlfriend and so on. Suddenly, she said, "Where's yours? Why do you keep showing other people's pictures? Not yours? I want to see yours." Then, we kept on assuring her that we do not have one. But she could not take our words.


Mom:

What do you want to hide from me?

Sister:

Nothing. Really. We don't have one.

Mom:

Don't lie. Every person at your age has this, right?

Sister:

Mom, you know what. Looking for a single person with no Facebook account, is like looking for your another pair of sock, missing in a laundry room as big as Texas City. It's really a world's treasure. And have it in your home. You are supposed to be proud!

Mom:

... (Seemed a bit more convinced)

However, I still do not understand how do my parents work. I mean, as a parent. Dad is always the one who decides. Once he has finalized the decision, no one can object. He will give you all the pressure to follow what he said. Yeah, of course it is stressful. But, once you follow what he said, he will put no more pressure on you. Which is the reason why I chose not the change to the other programme. I cannot bear the consequences of him pressuring me for four years, and having unsettled feeling every time we meet. So aisyah, let's just do this for the sake of mom and dad. (Takpe, dapat pahala kan?)

End of draft #1.

-left unconcluded-

-was written during the holiday-

------------------------------

You will be seeing this kind of post coming every now and then because I possess quite a lot of them in store. I have to dispense them before the end of the shelf life. Or else it will be returned to the manufacturer to do all the rechecking. And there you go, they will be disposed. (I am talking pharm prac)

People, I have been diagnosed with severe homesickness.

Patient : 

aisyah (21 y/0)

Prescription:

Tablet dopamine 50mg

sig. 1 t.i.d x 7

I miss my family a lot. We have not met for two months now. Mom and dad always call me. Almost everyday, in fact. And so do my sisters. They miss me a lot too (haha.. perasan tak?). I finally make this. Not going home at all for two months. Bravo to myself!


Yesterday was regarded as the last day of the week (yeah, because today is holiday). It was quite disastrous. People around me were studying for the quizzes like they were going to sit for SPM. Or, may be a lot harder. Staying up late is not my nature. But, as I am trying to adapt, I tried to do that. Due to the reason I am deprived from having sufficient sleep, which leads to the weakening of the immune system. (I am talking physio)

I am so great I am jealous of myself ^.^

------------------------------

Coming BIG events :

(1). 28th August

LM 2020 -- Exam

(2). 30th August

PHM 1143 -- Quiz 2
(Most probably)

(3). 1st September

PHM 1153 -- Quiz 2

(4). 3rd September

PHM 1123 -- Quiz 2

PHM 1133 -- Quiz 2

(5). 4th September

Voila! I am going home. Finally. :)

(Yeah, going home is one of the biggest events)


Note to self :

p/s 1 : 

It is too early to wish happy holiday or happy hari raya. So, happy staying up late lagi kawan2 Rx9 :) Lepas habis quiz boleh balik rumah ye. Hehe. 


p/s 2 :
Good luck for those who will be sitting for the mini test, end of block exam, mid semester exam, and ... quiz. Of course. 


p/s 3 :
Oh, lupa pulak. Selamat berpuasa :)

note to self

Tomorrow does not deserve to be compared to today.

People you meet do not deserve to be compared to people you know.

Just because today let you down, does not mean tomorrow is going to.

Just because someone disappoints you, does not mean the next person will too.

Tomorrow deserves a chance. Everyone you meet deserves a chance.

Pretend like today did not happen. Can I just do that?

Sign out.

assignment

a paper work ...

MADRASAH OF RAMADHAN

" Nurturing Taqwa, Achieving Mardhotillah "

1.1 Introduction :

Prophet s.a.w Sermon for Ramadhan.

Baihaqi reported on the authority of Salman al-Farisi r.a that Prophet s.a.w delivered a sermon on the last day of the month of Shaaban. In the sermon, he said :

"O people! The month of Allah s.w.t (Ramadhan) has come with its mercies, blessings, and forgivenesses. Allah has decreed this month the best of all months. The days of this month are the best among all days, and the nights are the best among all nights, and the hours during Ramadhan are the best among all hours. This is a month in which you have been invited by Him (to fast and pray). Allah s.w.t has honoured you in it. In every breath you take is a reward of Allah s.w.t. Your sleep is worship, your good deeds are accepted, and you invocations are answered.

Therefore, (1) you must invoke your Lord in all earnestness with hearts free from sins and evils. (2) And pray that Allah s.w.t may help you to keep fast. (3) And to recite the Holy Quran. Indeed! Miserable is the one who is deprived of Allah's forgiveness in this great month. While fasting remember the hunger and thirst of the Day of Judgement. (4) Give alms to the poor and needy. (5) Pay respect to your elders, (6) have sympathy for your youngsters, (7) and be kind towards your relatives and kinsmen. 

(8) Guard your tongue against unworthy words, (9) and your eyes from the scenes that are not worth seeing (forbidden), (10) and your ears from sounds that should not be heard. (11) Be kind to orphans so that if your children may become orphans they will also be treated with kindness. (12) Do repent to Allah s.w.t for you sins, (13) and supplicate with raised hands at the time of prayers as these are the best times, during which Allah the Almighty looks at His servants with mercy. 

Allah s.w.t answers if they supplicate, respond if they call, grants if He is asked, and accepts if they entreat. 

O people! You have made your conscience the slave of your desire.

O people! (13) If anyone amongst you arranges ifthor (meal at sunset) for any believer, Allah s.w.t will reward him as if he had free a slave, and Allah s.w.t will forgive him his sins. A companion asked: But not all of us has the means to do so. The Prophet s.a.w replied: Keep yourself away from hell-fire though it may consist of half a date or even some water if you have nothing else.

O people! (14) Anyone who during this month cultivates good manners, he will walk over the Sirat (bridge to Paradise) on the day when feet will tend to slip. (15) For anyone during this month eases the workloads oh his servants, Allah s.w.t will make easy his accounting. (16) For anyone who does not hurt others during this month, Allah s.w.t will safeguard him from His Wrath on the Day of Judgement. (17) For anyone who respects and treats an orphan with kindness during this month, Allah s.w.t shall look at him with kindness on that Day. (18) For anyone who treats his kinsmen well during this month, Allah s.w.t will bestow His mercy on him on that Day, while anyone who mistreats his kinsmen during this month, Allah s.w.t will keep away from His mercy.

(19) Whomever offers the recommended prayers during this month, Allah s.w.t will save him from hell. (20) Whomever observes His obligations during this month, his rewards will be seventy times the rewards during other months. (21) Whomever invokes Allah's blessing, Allah s.w.t will keep his scale of good deeds heavy, while the scales of others will be tending to lightness. (22) Whomever recited during this month an ayat (verse) of the Holy Quran, will get reward of reciting the reward of reciting the whole Quran in other month.

O people! The gates of Paradise remains opened during this month. (23) Pray to your Lord that they may be closed for you. While the gates of Hell are closed. (24) Pray to your Lord that they never be opened for you. Syaitan has been chained. (25) Invoke your Lord not to let him dominate you."

Ali ibn Talib r.a said: I asked, "O Messenger of Allah, what are the best deeds during this month?" He replied, "O Abu Hassan, (26) the best of deeds during this month is to be far from what Allah s.w.t has forbidden."

1.2 Objectives :

(1).

To produce better quality of muslims by integrating the aqidah, ibadah, and akhlak, as well as 'ilm, to serve as agents of comprehensiveness.

(2).

To develop an environment which instils unity and brotherhood among muslims.

(3).

To graduate from Ramadhan with faith recharged: gaining strength in faith, commitment, and relationship with Allah s.w.t.

... InsyaAllah :)

1.3 Preparations :

(1). 

Participants should empower themselves by learning as much as they can about the precise fiqh (laws) as well as the benefits of fasting.

(2).

Participants should ensure they gain true benefits from fasting. Make sure to realize the spirit of fasting. Fasting is not only about abstaining from food and drink; but also strictly restraining the minds, and hearts, and eyes, and ears, and so on.

(3).

Participants must embrace the spirit of fasting as stressed in hadith mentioned above. Be charitable and compassionate as much as possible.

(4).

Participants should engage in zikir and condition themselves to make it a second nature. And they should also have strong determination to finish reciting the whole Quran during Ramadhan.

... presented by :
Ainul Mardhiyah binti Sameran
Siti Aisyah binti Idris
Norhalini binti Hamzah
Nur Aisyah binti Ismail
Wan Nabilah binti Wan Mohd Anuar
Nur Amalina binti Annuar




Dah siap assignment. Yeay! :)


p/s: Jangan malas2 solat terawih tau. Bangun qiam kejut roommates sekali. Hehe.

hye internet!

Most days you just want to skip through. And some you want to savour it until the end. But, the first day of anything is a bit of a mixed bag. At least for me. Orientation week was not helpful enough in providing me the mental image of the college I wanted. However, I was so lazy to write and comment about that in the feedback form. So, I guess, my future-junior (is there such terms?) will face the same problem too.


I could not believe I was homesick the very first night being here. Mom called that night asking whether everything was all right. Due to some undefined reasons, I was barely able to speak. I could only produce some 3-letter articulate words (like, Yea.. Urm..). After a few wasting minutes, mom just said, "Never mind. No worries, okay? Just go to bed and sleep." I felt bad for doing that. Next day, I sent mom a text message telling her that I am doing great and promise to call her at night.


Unfortunately for me, I am doing this programme alone. All my close friends during the foundation days are in the other programmes. So, a few early days during the orientation were quite a nightmare. Yeah ... you know, everybody already had their own so-called gang and they stuck among themselves all the time. That made me deeply feel like changing to the other programme and join my friends. Boleh tak camni? Mengada ngada kan?


Distribution for students' residential was made according to the programmes, too. Students of a particular programme will be placed in the same block. Again. I was the victim of the situation. My friends and I have to separate. For good this time. For-good was what mom thought. She said I have to reduce my time talking and gossiping (and doing mental stuffs haha ^^). Oh, but she has no idea how determined am I. I do not mind climbing so many stairs and walking for miles just to meet them. (But, I do mind if I have to walk for miles just to hit the cafe!)


One of my friends' room resides just in the other block opposite to mine. Coincidently, our rooms are facing each other, and so, we can just communicate through the windows. Since the blocks are not located close enough to enable us talking in normal frequency, we have to shout and sometimes repeat a few words before the other person completely get the message. Mental? Who cares? (Yeah ... I know. I have ruined the privacy and peace of other residents. I couldn't help feeling so excited talking to her).


My first lecture was PHM 1143 in a hall contained 100 people. I mean, the whole batch in one class. Wow! Huh. Really. Wow!!! (Ye, saye cam orang jakun, saye tau ...). People, I cannot afford sitting at the back because the LCD projector does not perform a very good job from the beginning. I am so sicked with that. In just three weeks, it has caused the focal length of my lens to increase in ... what? +1 Diopter? How much is +1 Diopter? (sebenarnya dah tak ingat ape2). My point is, this LCD problem is so bad for eyes.


During the first class of each subject, we did not actually straight away start our lesson. The lecturers would introduce us to the do's and dont's in their class, what they expect from us, how they want us to behave, and all that kinds. So, the first session for PHM 1134 was just quite the same, except, it was a bit scary. Oh, I do not think I have to describe it. (I will be dismissed from college if the lecturer encounter this post. grrr~).


But, okay ... just briefly. The lecturer asked us, "Why do you choose this programme? Is it really your interest? Or you have to?" And ... when the question came across my ear, I heard it as a provoking question and I, honestly, became emotionally stressful. What so wrong with doing something because you have to? Is it really that bad? Hey, at least I am obeying my parents, okay! And she said, "I expect you to pre-read. Do not come to the lecture empty-headed. Do not expect us to spoon-feed you everything." Okay, this is actually what most lecturers expect from us. No big deal. I guess?


On her second session, I noticed everybody was acting goody-goody, behaving so admiringly, and giving all they have (ears, and eyes, and heart) to the lecture. Which, if I am the one who give the lecture, I will definitely tell my colleagues, "You won't believe how adorable my students are. They are so cute!" (cute is an overstatement!). You know, even the boys did not leave the front row empty as they usually did. Oh man ... that was really impressive! 


For the record, I just bring a note book and a pencil case everyday. No text books, no files, no A4 papers. I can safely bid goodbye to all those days when I had to bring the text books to class (mind you, the text books weigh 5kg each). But still, I have to use a backpack because I have to bring the white coat, telekung, and umbrella (not to mention Vaseline, hand sanitizer, talcum powder, and others from the same category). Well, it is okay for me. As long as they are not as heavy as those 3-inch-secular text books.


For another record, I do not doodle nonsense in my note book (anymore!). I jot down only academic stuffs and facts. Wow! I am feeling almost proud to be able to say this. This is quite an achievement for me. Ouh but, my skill in taking notes during the lecture still upsets me. The moment I finished writing down a complete sentence, the lecturer already finished explaining the entire slide and moved to the next one. I was like, 'Oh sheesh ... What is he talking about? Where did my head go just now?'


I love Islamic Worldview class so much I cannot put them into words. Before attending class, I have the feeling this subject will be very philosophical as the notes are so brief and it takes quite an effort for me to understand what on earth exactly it wants to explain. The class, on the contrary, is not that philosophical and it is full of tazkirahs. I got a lot of additional information too, like, the origin and the people behind Wahabi school of thought. Do you know all that? Check it out and you will be surprised!


We had our first study circle meeting on the 23rd. The facilitator is a final year student. During the taaruf session, she did actually ask why did we choose this programme instead of the other. Okay. Sensitive issue. Again. Everybody (except me) was giving the answer which sounds something like:

• Because I love chemistry. And I want to be in medical-based line. So, this programme is the best choice.
• Because I love science subjects. And I want to go into business. This programme offers me both.
• Because I want to produce my own medication and cosmetic products with my own brand.
• Because I love chemistry. Initially, I actually wanted to do Chemical Engineering. Since our university does not offer that, I considered changing into this programme.

... people, my coursemates are superb! Don't you think? Oh yeah ... only this question caused me a bit shaky. Other than that, the meeting was pretty awesome.


Urm ... what else? Oh yeah, of course. There is no TV here. Well, I do not really bother to watch anything, unless when I am home. So, no TV will not cause mental retardation in my case. But yeah, I did not watch the match between Germany and Spain (sad to say). I am a big fan of Germany, have I mentioned this? I am. Since 2002. Oh no, I am not that indulged in the football world. I just kind of watched it because I was still in the midst of holiday when it started. And I made fun of the players with mom. They were so childish. (But, I love that Dutch boy still haha ^^ stupid tak cakap camni?)


Oh, and I have just received a bunch of thick and heavy secular text books last week. (The flow of my writing is so bad. Pardon me. I do not want to write everything all over again). So yeah, "I don't do pre reading because I don't have the text book" kind of excuse is not relevant anymore! And I have a stack of lecture notes I have not even touched yet. And a lab report to be submitted next week but I am still blurred with all the theories and calculations. Duhh.


I miss my family and I want to go home. Mom said I do not have to because it is too dangerous (paranoid much?). So, I think I will only come back for Hari Raya holiday, which is more than a month from now. If I can go through this successfully, I think I am capable of studying abroad (haha ^^).


Adeh. Penat la nak cerita semua.


Okay, to conclude the rest ...

Despite :

• Cafeteria is located so far away.
• Having very packed schedule.
• Not being in the same lab as Nisah.
• Not under the same mentor as Nisah.
• Can only meet 'my people' during the weekend.
• Inconvenience place to wash the clothes.
• Inefficient facilities to dry the washed clothes.  
• Can only come back home a few days before hari raya. :( :( :(
• Exam is coming soon after that.
• 3 days of revision period. Haih =.='
• her.
• Another her.

I am eternally thankful for :

• Mom, who always does the slow talks on the phone.
• Advice from parents and people I know.
• Calls from sisters, who enjoy the monkey story. (haha ^^)
• Friendly and kind kakak cafe.
• Comfortable mosque in KOP building.
• Amusing and engaging lecturers.
• Lecturers who always remind our roles as muslims.
• Being in the same lab as Kimah.
• Kind and helpful lab assistants.
• Able to meet Jalilah and Afifah on weekdays.
• Surprise visit with food for dinner from them. (Sweet la you all ni :)
• And, they actually invited me to eat their first hand-made meal after their first Food Preparation class.
• Good conversation.
• Bumping into Ummi and Taqwa in the bus.
• Saying excitedly, "Bye Ummi! Bye Taqwa!" before going to class.
• Bumping into Andah on Friday after class.
• Contacting the other and we successfully managed the first gathering.
• Feeling like returning back to old days.
• Talking for hours. (Pakcik yg jual goreng pisang pun pelik nape lame sangat duduk kat cafe, menyemak je haha ^^)
• Oh, and nice pakcik jual goreng pisang. (hehe..)
• Awesome and inspiring seniors.
• Soft and hard copy notes from seniors.
• Campbell's Biology text book for not disappointing me. (At least, I can still study the structures and functions of cell membrane. I am not being sarcastic.)
• Bahasa Melayu class: for the good looking lecturer. (hehe..)
• One entire week to finish a lab report. 
• Having two days off. (Saturday and Sunday hu~)
• Taman Bandar (betul kan nama ni?) in front of college.
• People who smile at me early in the morning and people who make me smile.
• People I cannot live without.

New resolution :

I want to make sure I double the things that I am thankful for, for each that I complain about.

I just want to go home. Anyone can promise mom you will give me a safe ride?